Thoughtful in Selah
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
What to do with myself?
I am at a point currently in my emotional storm where I have nothing better to do at which case all I can do is just vent.
As a forewarning, I will be stepping on toes, standing on my soap box and passing out a lot of pennies as I give more than just my two cents.
All I can say is that it is not fair. But that doesn't do it justice. It is a satanic attack aimed at my heart and geared towards my emotional destruction. The thief in the night came with brutal force and he knocked me down hard. I'm here in the middle of this chaotic highway in the middle of a down pour and I'm calling out with everything that I have, so loudly, that it is physically hurting. "My Lord, My God, where are you? I need help! I feel so ashamedly selfish and mournfully arrogant that I feel like I can get up myself... but I need Your Spirit to tear down my pride, and to break the spiritual forces of religion that keep me inside of my box and I need Your help, oh Lord! Abba Father! I cry on my hands and knees for Your hand to uphold me!"
Here's where the strong words come: Everyone keeps saying, I know Daniel is here and I know he can still hear us and he is with us, etc. I'm not sure if I believe that. I know Daniel is in heaven but I doubt he is actually here with us. Even though it is a comfort thing, I just am not sure about that. I keep trying to cry out to God to really help me break through this trial but it seems like my voice is just fading away. I keep finding it hard to really feel God like I have at TheCall and other conferences.
God keeps pointing me to this chapter of the bible but just now, he showed me some verses from the first part of the chapter. In Colossians 3, God keeps showing me verses 15-17 (which I will get to later - I'll even quote it for you below) but this time he called me to verses 1-4:
" 1Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. 2Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. 3For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. 4When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory. "
.... **sigh** ...I guess I'm just frustrated.
I don't know what to think really. Here is says that we just really need to keep focusing that everything is alright - that it is all part of God's plan. 'Keep looking up and keep pressing in.' So we have been born again in Christ, so now that we are living in Him, we are that much closer to the angels in heaven - that being, our Daniel.
.....***"Oh, what I would give to hear his voice again"
So God tells us to keep pressing in, right? Here's verses 15-17:
15Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. 16Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. 17And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
'We will reach peace in Him when we sing psalms, hymns, praises, spiritual songs.' So we all need peace! So let's get into worship! Well right now it just seems that WE CAN'T! An attack is being made on our spiritual lives in our very worship!
After sharing my testimony of TheCall at my church, someone frantically came up to me telling me that God told them specifically to tell me "to guard your heart." I thought, 'thanks for your concern but my friends and I worship nearly every other two days - I think I'm good'. Well that's just it! The very thing that was supposed to be shielding us from the weapons of the enemy is the very thing that the enemy is trying to tear down. First he's working to break the shields so then he can come and destroy us as we are defenseless - HOW LOW!!! That is just so--------AH! I'm so mad I am literally screaming in my head and my spirit is enraged!
It seems that every time we try and get together, it is a culmination of all of these little distractions that forces our worship to end early or prevents me from really diving into it. I don't know about you guys, but I need a spiritual exorcision - a removal from all crap down inside - and I need a revival just like TheCall to come. Honestly, I was pretty torqued that we had to cut it short on Saturday night. I felt that we were on a verge of a break through after one or two songs and it didn't happen because no one wanted to participate in the last song.
Spirit of religion - I'm calling you out. You have no place in my temple, that is, the Lord house. I am a vessel of the Lord, God Almighty and you have no control over me. I will worship freely and truly dive into such a spiritual movement that I will meet the Lord in a powerful explosion of praise. No more will worship be under your constraints, and no longer will you hold me back. Traditions and strict methods are destroyed in the name of Jesus so we can come to Jehovah Jirah with the chains broken.
After all of this had been laid on my heart, this song came on the radio just as I started my car:
http://www.rhapsody.com/goto?rcid=tra.3321397
As a forewarning, I will be stepping on toes, standing on my soap box and passing out a lot of pennies as I give more than just my two cents.
All I can say is that it is not fair. But that doesn't do it justice. It is a satanic attack aimed at my heart and geared towards my emotional destruction. The thief in the night came with brutal force and he knocked me down hard. I'm here in the middle of this chaotic highway in the middle of a down pour and I'm calling out with everything that I have, so loudly, that it is physically hurting. "My Lord, My God, where are you? I need help! I feel so ashamedly selfish and mournfully arrogant that I feel like I can get up myself... but I need Your Spirit to tear down my pride, and to break the spiritual forces of religion that keep me inside of my box and I need Your help, oh Lord! Abba Father! I cry on my hands and knees for Your hand to uphold me!"
Here's where the strong words come: Everyone keeps saying, I know Daniel is here and I know he can still hear us and he is with us, etc. I'm not sure if I believe that. I know Daniel is in heaven but I doubt he is actually here with us. Even though it is a comfort thing, I just am not sure about that. I keep trying to cry out to God to really help me break through this trial but it seems like my voice is just fading away. I keep finding it hard to really feel God like I have at TheCall and other conferences.
God keeps pointing me to this chapter of the bible but just now, he showed me some verses from the first part of the chapter. In Colossians 3, God keeps showing me verses 15-17 (which I will get to later - I'll even quote it for you below) but this time he called me to verses 1-4:
" 1Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. 2Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. 3For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. 4When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory. "
.... **sigh** ...I guess I'm just frustrated.
I don't know what to think really. Here is says that we just really need to keep focusing that everything is alright - that it is all part of God's plan. 'Keep looking up and keep pressing in.' So we have been born again in Christ, so now that we are living in Him, we are that much closer to the angels in heaven - that being, our Daniel.
.....***"Oh, what I would give to hear his voice again"
So God tells us to keep pressing in, right? Here's verses 15-17:
15Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. 16Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. 17And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
'We will reach peace in Him when we sing psalms, hymns, praises, spiritual songs.' So we all need peace! So let's get into worship! Well right now it just seems that WE CAN'T! An attack is being made on our spiritual lives in our very worship!
After sharing my testimony of TheCall at my church, someone frantically came up to me telling me that God told them specifically to tell me "to guard your heart." I thought, 'thanks for your concern but my friends and I worship nearly every other two days - I think I'm good'. Well that's just it! The very thing that was supposed to be shielding us from the weapons of the enemy is the very thing that the enemy is trying to tear down. First he's working to break the shields so then he can come and destroy us as we are defenseless - HOW LOW!!! That is just so--------AH! I'm so mad I am literally screaming in my head and my spirit is enraged!
It seems that every time we try and get together, it is a culmination of all of these little distractions that forces our worship to end early or prevents me from really diving into it. I don't know about you guys, but I need a spiritual exorcision - a removal from all crap down inside - and I need a revival just like TheCall to come. Honestly, I was pretty torqued that we had to cut it short on Saturday night. I felt that we were on a verge of a break through after one or two songs and it didn't happen because no one wanted to participate in the last song.
Spirit of religion - I'm calling you out. You have no place in my temple, that is, the Lord house. I am a vessel of the Lord, God Almighty and you have no control over me. I will worship freely and truly dive into such a spiritual movement that I will meet the Lord in a powerful explosion of praise. No more will worship be under your constraints, and no longer will you hold me back. Traditions and strict methods are destroyed in the name of Jesus so we can come to Jehovah Jirah with the chains broken.
After all of this had been laid on my heart, this song came on the radio just as I started my car:
http://www.rhapsody.com/go
Labels: Posts of my Faith
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