Thoughtful in Selah

Hang onto your hats ladies and gentleman, God is moving big in my life. He just now re-ignited His Fire within me and I've started randomly speaking in Tongues again - praise the Lord, and he is really giving me a lot of stuff to share with you all. I realize that this is the second post in one day, but it is going to be a spectacular one!

First of all, I really feel completely set free. I have an emptiness that only the Holy Spirit can bring. Hallelujah!
Secondly, because of this, I want to share everything that Lord is trying to spill out of me and it keeps coming too fast so hold on while I try and overflow here..........

God told me to look up some scriptures pertaining to Joy - go figure. I found 25 instances of expressing joy in the Bible and two caught my attention. I think you will be astonished at how God is going to use them.

1. 1 Samuel 18:6

6 When the men were returning home after David had killed the Philistine, the women came out from all the towns of Israel to meet King Saul with singing and dancing, with joyful songs and with tambourines and lutes.

I just listened to Nathan Issac's teaching from the GenOne conference in D.C. and he was talking about a pattern in the Bible where enemies have killed themselves with the weapons setup to destroy us. So this particular passage applies great here as one of Nathan's examples was David and Goliath. See Goliath was supposed to take on David and his goal was to kill David with his gigantic sword. Well it ended up being Goliath's sword that took of Goliath's head. It is the weapon of the enemy that kills the enemy. And just like I was referring to in one of my latter posts, my worship is my shield and that is what the enemy is attacking. And it is the weapon used in that attack that has defeated him! So from this passage, it is the joyful songs - which I am now singing - with worship that has defeated my enemy.

2. Ezra 3:11-13
11 With praise and thanksgiving they sang to the LORD :
"He is good;
his love to Israel endures forever."
And all the people gave a great shout of praise to the LORD, because the foundation of the house of the LORD was laid. 12 But many of the older priests and Levites and family heads, who had seen the former temple, wept aloud when they saw the foundation of this temple being laid, while many others shouted for joy. 13 No one could distinguish the sound of the shouts of joy from the sound of weeping, because the people made so much noise. And the sound was heard far away.

See the connection? Neither did I until the Lord reminded me of another verse: 1 Corinthians 6:19 Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own.

wow...

So it is almost like this huge cleaning that has taken place, where the Holy Spirit has moved in my life again and it is almost like rebuilding my temple into a new clean slate. So because I am a child of God, I rejoice with joy that God has blessed me with a new foundation for a new temple - so to speak.

again, wow...

I think you can meditate on that for awhile because I can't explain it any better. Also part of this note is the following link. It will take you to rhapsody that will play a song by Ron Kenoly that I find perfect at this moment. http://www.rhapsody.com/goto?rcid=tra.22856937

Labels: Posts of my Faith

It's a long title I know. In case you missed it: "True Happiness Dawns from a Sudden Realization".

Any guesses at what I'm going to talk about?

yeah... so, here goes...

There was all this stuff about how I thought I liked a certain someone. Turns out, all my friends were really worried about the whole situation, and etc. It really felt right. And because of the timing with the death of Daniel, I knew it wasn't perfect, but it still felt like, 'I'm going to be careful here and I know this is what God is leading me into and so I'm going to follow it'. Turns out through a huge slap upside the head at midnight last night that that wasn't true whatsoever.

I suddenly realized that when Daniel died, it took a large part of me and it feels like half of me has been destroyed. And so, without even knowing it, I unconsciously began trying to fill in that missing piece with what I thought was right - or maybe, what I wanted to be right.

I was in a pretty somber mood today just thinking about this whole ordeal. I feel bad that it all turned out this way but I know we still know each other for a reason, whether or not it is for this reason. So I am much happier now that I know what to watch for. I think this is part of what was getting me so frustrated and angry.

**And when I changed my facebook status from "it's complicated" to "single", the only thing that I could do was smile a huge smile.

I am at a point currently in my emotional storm where I have nothing better to do at which case all I can do is just vent.

As a forewarning, I will be stepping on toes, standing on my soap box and passing out a lot of pennies as I give more than just my two cents.

All I can say is that it is not fair. But that doesn't do it justice. It is a satanic attack aimed at my heart and geared towards my emotional destruction. The thief in the night came with brutal force and he knocked me down hard. I'm here in the middle of this chaotic highway in the middle of a down pour and I'm calling out with everything that I have, so loudly, that it is physically hurting. "My Lord, My God, where are you? I need help! I feel so ashamedly selfish and mournfully arrogant that I feel like I can get up myself... but I need Your Spirit to tear down my pride, and to break the spiritual forces of religion that keep me inside of my box and I need Your help, oh Lord! Abba Father! I cry on my hands and knees for Your hand to uphold me!"

Here's where the strong words come: Everyone keeps saying, I know Daniel is here and I know he can still hear us and he is with us, etc. I'm not sure if I believe that. I know Daniel is in heaven but I doubt he is actually here with us. Even though it is a comfort thing, I just am not sure about that. I keep trying to cry out to God to really help me break through this trial but it seems like my voice is just fading away. I keep finding it hard to really feel God like I have at TheCall and other conferences.

God keeps pointing me to this chapter of the bible but just now, he showed me some verses from the first part of the chapter. In Colossians 3, God keeps showing me verses 15-17 (which I will get to later - I'll even quote it for you below) but this time he called me to verses 1-4:
" 1Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. 2Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. 3For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. 4When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory. "

.... **sigh** ...I guess I'm just frustrated.

I don't know what to think really. Here is says that we just really need to keep focusing that everything is alright - that it is all part of God's plan. 'Keep looking up and keep pressing in.' So we have been born again in Christ, so now that we are living in Him, we are that much closer to the angels in heaven - that being, our Daniel.

.....***"Oh, what I would give to hear his voice again"

So God tells us to keep pressing in, right? Here's verses 15-17:
15Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. 16Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. 17And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

'We will reach peace in Him when we sing psalms, hymns, praises, spiritual songs.' So we all need peace! So let's get into worship! Well right now it just seems that WE CAN'T! An attack is being made on our spiritual lives in our very worship!

After sharing my testimony of TheCall at my church, someone frantically came up to me telling me that God told them specifically to tell me "to guard your heart." I thought, 'thanks for your concern but my friends and I worship nearly every other two days - I think I'm good'. Well that's just it! The very thing that was supposed to be shielding us from the weapons of the enemy is the very thing that the enemy is trying to tear down. First he's working to break the shields so then he can come and destroy us as we are defenseless - HOW LOW!!! That is just so--------AH! I'm so mad I am literally screaming in my head and my spirit is enraged!

It seems that every time we try and get together, it is a culmination of all of these little distractions that forces our worship to end early or prevents me from really diving into it. I don't know about you guys, but I need a spiritual exorcision - a removal from all crap down inside - and I need a revival just like TheCall to come. Honestly, I was pretty torqued that we had to cut it short on Saturday night. I felt that we were on a verge of a break through after one or two songs and it didn't happen because no one wanted to participate in the last song.

Spirit of religion - I'm calling you out. You have no place in my temple, that is, the Lord house. I am a vessel of the Lord, God Almighty and you have no control over me. I will worship freely and truly dive into such a spiritual movement that I will meet the Lord in a powerful explosion of praise. No more will worship be under your constraints, and no longer will you hold me back. Traditions and strict methods are destroyed in the name of Jesus so we can come to Jehovah Jirah with the chains broken.

After all of this had been laid on my heart, this song came on the radio just as I started my car:
http://www.rhapsody.com/goto?rcid=tra.3321397

Labels: Posts of my Faith

I wasn't sure exactly how all this would come out, but I feel that it is time to share my thoughts and recent experiences with everyone. Normally I would post this all on my blog but I want people to easily be able to find it here on facebook. All of this is going to be scattered a little but I'm trying to catch everything that I want - that I need to get out.

After TheCall, I was on a major spiritual high considering I was just infilled with the Holy Spirit and I now have the gift of speaking in Tounges. Well all of that kinda came crashing down the morning I heard that Daniel was killed. Most people don't know it but Daniel was my best friend and I feel like I can honestly say that I was his too. For about a week, there was just nothing I wanted to do and grief was overwhelmingly taking over.

Just the other day I read about the five stages of grieving.
1. Denial/Surrealism - This isn't happening, I can't comprehend nor grasp it
2. Questioning - Why is this happening to me?
3. Anger - THIS ISN'T FAIR
4. Depression - No motivation and deep mourning
5. Acceptance - I'm ok with it all now

I moved through the first three stages all in about two hours that Thursday morning. However, a heavy depression began setting in to the point where I started withdrawing inside of myself and I had horrible thoughts and I started being mean to my friends and I just didn't want to talk about it at all.

One week later at Remain (which is my youth group on Thursday night) my youth leader thought it was best that we share with everyone on exactly how we had been feeling. It was a bad night for me. I just really felt that it was all too soon. I had said it a couple times that Sunday after the funeral that I didn't want the burial to come and go because I was afraid that all would be said and done and things would move on and all would be forgotten. I was terrified of this happening.

Afterwards, Marriana and Jordan and myself went over to Jordan's house and we were talking in my car and he started praying over me for comfort and that I would have God's Fire again. I began feeling such a powerful embrace and holy presence that was so calming that I've NEVER felt before. My fire just lit up so bright at that point and God moved HUGE! I began speaking in Tongues like I never have before. God even delivered a message through my mouth between four people!

At this point I was doing so much better and I still am now that my Fire is back. I am not, however, to stage five of the grieving process though. I have not exactly come to terms on acceptance - and I don't know if I will ever be able to.

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Through this whole time, everyone has been telling me about how Daniel had this amazing mantle that he left behind and that I would be the one to pick it up and run with it. This is just really powerful to me. Obviously I cannot replace Daniel in personality or spirit but I feel like I am the one to continue on his ministry to others in worship. Ever since this, my worship has been so much more powerful - and frequent for that matter. It seems that every time I play, there's always a crowd that gathers. I made the comment to someone that "It isn't about how Daniel touched me during his life, it is how he is touching me now." I think that sentence is the best way I can put it. His legacy is touching myself so greatly, and yes, I am going to miss him so much, but I just feel such a holy annoiting being placed on my life in my worship because it just feels like I'm stepping up and being that worship leader that Daniel helped teach me to be.

When I was searching for a new youth group to go to, I found Remain and the at the time, I kept coming back just because the worship was so intense and all of the kids were so passionate and hungry for God. And because of that, Daniel showed me how worship is really done. He taught me so much in music and how to be a leader in worship.
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